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The Anxious Person’s Guide to Non-Monogamy by Lola Phoenix

Who it’s for

I was approached by Jessica Kingsley Publishers in 2021 about a potential book and I considered putting something together that would cover some of the basic information that I felt I was repeating to people who wrote questions in.

The Anxious Person’s Guide to Non-Monogamy is designed for people who are both new to non-monogamy and have been in non-monogamous relationships for awhile but maybe struggle with anxiety. I actually believe that a lot of people will experience anxiety regardless of whether or not they have any other mental health issues.

Where you can find The Anxious Person’s Guide to Non-Monogamy

In June 2022, The Anxious Person’s Guide to Non-Monogamy was published by Jessica Kingsley Publishers. It is currently available:

It is not currently available as an audiobook, but you can register your interest in an audiobook here.

Book Reviews

“A refreshingly honest, comprehensive and realistic guide to navigating non-monogamous relationships of all kinds.

Packed with nuance, helpful advice, and self-reflections, this is a gem for new and experienced folk alike, especially those of us living at the intersections of disability, oppression and/or trauma. “

Meg-John Barker
Author of How to Understand Your Sexuality

“Lola Phoenix guides those living in or curious about ethical non-monogamy in their signature no-bullshit, practical guide to polyamory.

A refreshing perspective that incorporates self-reflection, personal growth with partners and an emphasis on mental health – healthy caveats when it comes to navigating all relationships, whether polyamorous or not.”

Jenny Yuen
Author of Polyamorous: Living and Loving More

“This wide-ranging, welcoming and inclusive guide is perfect for anyone thinking about stepping outside of monogamy, and invites readers to fully explore their own relationships, desires and mental health on an ongoing basis. Phoenix offers practical tips around anxiety that readers will find invaluable.”

Rachel Kramer Bussel
Author of Sex & Cupcakes: A Juicy Collection of Essays, and editor, The Big Book of Orgasms

“The Anxious Person’s Guide to Non-Monogamy is a refreshingly inclusive and trauma-informed guide to polyamory. The advice is practical, honest, and engaging. Lola addresses common issues in polyamory with their unique perspective, accurate analogies, and well-rounded thought exercises.”

Leanne Yau
Author of Polyphilia, non-monogamy educator and advocate

“Lola Phoenix has written a book about non-monogamy that feels like an old friend – both reassuring and gently challenging. The Anxious Person’s Guide to Non-Monogamy is a must read that encourages one to consider power dynamics as well as personal care in a way that is mindful of trauma while also encouraging growth. If I had read this in my twenties I would have potentially avoided years of grief and self blame. A gem.”

Kitty Stryker
Editor of Ask: Building Consent Culture

“I’m an anxious person who has had the Non-Monogamy feelings. My partner is an anxious person who has not. I don’t know how it will turn out, but this is the first book that made me think i could actually have a conversation about it.”

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