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Please feel free to ask for advice by email or recording a voice note. Details on how to do that are below.

I aim to respond to all questions in seven business days, but may not be able to promise this. You can specify if you would like your response via the Non-Monogamy Help podcast or the column.

I do get consult from a therapist, but my responses are not a replacement for professional advice, but are my opinion only. My email is not an emergency contact for mental health issues.

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You can send in your question, use Anchor to record a 60 second question or SpeakPipe to record a 90 second question. Feel free to send in multiple sound files if you can't fit it into one recording.

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What is Non-Monogamy Help?

Non-Monogamy Help is a podcast and advice column produced by Lola Phoenix that is released once a week. For more information about the podcast, visit the about section.

What should I know before sending in a question?

I'm always happy to answer questions that are similar to ones asked before and I understand many questions are written while dealing with a lot of specific issues or problems.

But, if you have a little bit of time, I would suggest reading both my non-monogamy 101 article and and my non-monogamy 102 article which covers a lot of basic ground.

I also have a book titled The Anxious Person's Guide to Non-Monogamy which is designed for people either new to non-monogamy or people who are experiencing anxiety (which I argue is typical for most people) and would like strategies for how to combat this. And last, but not least, you can use the tags or a the search option to find podcasts and columns of a specific theme or around specific issues.

What is your background?

My approach toward giving advice is not and never has been one of asserting myself as a guru or an "expert". This is primarily the reason I do not do expert "classes" about non-monogamy or anything which would characterise me in the way of an "expert" or "professional". I am considering offering a course in the basics or fundamentals to help people get started, but this would be for people who are just starting out to get them set up, which I already give a lot of advice on.

This is because of my foundational belief that relationships in and of themselves are not skills and that there is a pervasive belief in non-monogamy communities that more relationships or more "experience" being polyamorous = the more someone is "safe" and the more someone knows. This is not the case. We're all capable of mistakes and individual relationships are all individual.

I have been non-monogamous since around 2009, but that doesn't mean I know everything or that I am better than you if you have less experience. The reason I give advice is because I have spent years studying sexuality, relationships and mental health as a personal special interest and many years in online communities in LiveJournal, Reddit and other places giving advice. I enjoy giving advice and I enjoy helping people.

Again, I do not see myself as a guru, an expert, an "educator" or anyone held above others. My advice is a mutual aid project, a desire to help people from the position of being right there with you, and not because I'm any better than anyone else who is polyamorous.

I do not have any qualifications in mental health. I have two degrees: one in English and Journalism and another in International Studies. At most, I give quick one to one advice, but I'm not a therapist or mental health professional.

And I refuse to get any sort of two week false coaching certificate to give me any sort of veneer of professionality I don't have. If you'd like to support what I do as a writer, that's great. But if you are ever contacted by someone claiming to be me and asking for money for advice – it's a scam.