What is fluid bonded?
Fluid bonding is when partners agree to stop using barriers (such as condoms or dental dams) for sex, allowing the exchange of bodily fluids. This decision typically comes with discussions about sexual health, STI testing, and agreements on exclusivity regarding unprotected sex.
Many people dislike the term "fluid bonded" for various reasons and choose to use terms like "barrier free" instead.
Reasons for becoming fluid bonded
Some partners choose fluid bonding for various reasons, including:
- Increased intimacy – Some feel that forgoing barriers deepens emotional or physical connection.
- Practicality – Long-term partners may find it more convenient than using protection.
- Hierarchy– There are some who want to have a single relationship that does not have to use barriers as a means of signifying the importance of that relationship.
While it is theoretically possible to be fluid bonded with multiple partners, people typically choose to be fluid bonded with one partner.
Risks of being fluid bonded
Fluid bonding carries risks, including STI transmission. To mitigate these risks, it’s crucial to:
- Get tested regularly – All involved should stay informed about their sexual health and get tested regularly. For most people this means testing three and six months after any new partners.
- Communicate openly – Honest discussions about sexual history and current practices help maintain trust. Clear understanding about boundaries are present in other relationships are important.
- Establish agreements – Defining what fluid bonding means in a specific relationship can prevent misunderstandings. People can have different definitions of what "protected sex" means.
Ethical considerations around fluid bonding
Fluid bonding can introduce complex ethical questions, particularly in polyamorous relationships where hierarchy may play a role. While hierarchy isn't inherently unethical, where there are clear preferences of one partner over another in such a physical way, issues may appear.
- Power dynamics and informed consent – In hierarchical polyamory, choosing to become fluid bonded only with a primary partner may create an obvious power dynamic issue. This can raise concerns about whether all parties truly have equal agency in decision-making, especially if the agreement to be fluid bonded with just one primary partner ends up affecting what can happen in other relationships. If one partner dictates the terms while others have little say, it can create an unbalanced power dynamic.
- Equity and relationship impact – When fluid bonding is reserved for primary partners, it may unintentionally reinforce feelings of exclusion among secondary partners. If exclusivity is framed as a privilege rather than a mutually agreed-upon choice, it can lead to emotional strain or inequity especially when a "secondary" has different feelings about sexual health risk. For example, they may generally not use dental dams regardless with any partner they have and if they have to in a relationship with someone because of a fluid bonding agreement, they may feel like someone else's sex life is dictating theirs.
- Health and risk management – Regardless of hierarchy, transparent communication and regular STI testing should be a priority. Ensuring that all partners—regardless of their role in the relationship structure—are informed and can make choices about their own health is essential for ethical non-monogamy.
- The illusion of safety – Many people remain uninformed about the level of STI risk of different activities. Even with the use of condoms, some STIs are transferred skin to skin. Some assume that fluid bonding within a closed group eliminates STI risks. However, because relationships evolve and new partners may be introduced, ongoing testing and open discussions about health remain crucial.
Summary
Fluid bonding is a personal decision that requires clear communication, trust, and shared responsibility. In polyamory, ensuring informed consent for all involved is essential to maintaining ethical and healthy relationships.