How is polyfidelity different from polyamory?

While polyamory typically allows for multiple relationships that can be open to new partners, polyfidelity involves a closed group where members are only intimate with each other and don't seek relationships outside the established group.

What does a polyfidelitous relationship look like?

A polyfidelitous relationship might involve three or more people who are all romantically and sexually involved with each other exclusively. All members are committed to the group and don't have relationships outside of it.

Is polyfidelity the same as a closed triad?

A closed triad is one example of polyfidelity, but polyfidelity can involve any number of people - triads, quads, or larger groups - as long as they're exclusive to each other.

What is polyfidelity?

Q: What is polyfidelity?

Polyfidelity is a form of non-monogamy where a group of people are committed exclusively to each other, but not to anyone outside the group. Unlike open relationships, polyfidelitous relationships are closed to new partners.

Polyfidelity is a form of consensual non-monogamy where a group of people are committed exclusively to each other, but not to anyone outside the group. Unlike open relationships or traditional polyamory, polyfidelitous relationships are closed to new partners once the group is established.

The term "polyfidelity" combines "poly" (meaning many) with "fidelity" (meaning faithfulness), creating a structure where multiple people are faithful to their established group. This relationship style emphaises commitment, exclusivity within the group, and emotional bonds between all members.

Polyfidelity can involve any number of people - from three-person triads to larger groups - as long as all members are romantically and sexually exclusive to each other and don't seek relationships outside their established circle.

Types of polyfidelitous relationships

There are different structures that polyfidelitous relationships might take:

Closed triads: Three people who are all romantically and sexually involved with each other exclusively. This is one of the most common forms of polyfidelity.
Closed quads: Four people who maintain exclusive romantic and sexual relationships within their group, with various connection patterns between members.
Larger polyfidelitous groups: Some groups involve five or more people, though these tend to be less common and require more complex communication and coordination.
V-shaped polyfidelity: Where one person (the "hinge") is romantically involved with two or more others who may not be directly involved with each other, but all remain exclusive to the group.

Why do people choose polyfidelity?

People choose polyfidelity for various reasons, often seeking the benefits of multiple relationships while maintaining security and exclusivity:

Emotional security: The closed nature provides emotional safety and reduces concerns about partners seeking relationships outside the group.
Deeper group bonds: Focusing exclusively on the established group can allow for deeper emotional connections and commitment between all members.
Reduced jealousy: Some people find the exclusivity of polyfidelity helps manage jealousy compared to open relationship styles.
Stability and commitment: The closed structure can provide relationship stability while still allowing for multiple loving connections.

Is polyfidelity ethical?

Ethical polyfidelity, like other forms of consensual non-monogamy, is based on mutual consent, honesty, and respect between all group members. All participants must:

Fully understand and consent to the polyfidelitous structure
Communicate openly about boundaries, expectations, and feelings
Respect the exclusive nature of the group commitment
Practice safe sex and sexual health communication within the group

However, polyfidelity requires careful consideration of power dynamics, especially if the group was formed by an existing couple seeking to add others.

It's crucial that all members have equal say in group decisions and that no one feels secondary or disposable.

How do you establish a polyfidelitous relationship?

For those interested in exploring polyfidelity, communication and planning are essential:

Start with honest conversations: All potential members must discuss their desires, expectations, and concerns about forming a polyfidelitous group.
Establish group agreements: Define what exclusivity means for your group, how decisions will be made, and what happens if someone wants to leave.
Consider existing relationships: If starting from an existing relationship, be mindful of couple privilege and ensure new members have equal standing.
Plan for challenges: Discuss how to handle conflicts, jealousy, scheduling, and other practical considerations that arise in group relationships.

Common misconceptions about polyfidelity

Many people have questions and misconceptions about polyfidelity:

Is polyfidelity just "group marriage"? While polyfidelity can involve deep commitment similar to marriage, it doesn't require legal recognition and can take many different forms depending on the group's preferences.

Can you add new people to a polyfidelitous group? This depends on the group's agreements. Some polyfidelitous groups remain permanently closed, while others may occasionally consider adding new members through unanimous consent.

Is polyfidelity easier than other forms of non-monogamy? Not necessarily. While the exclusivity can reduce some challenges like jealousy over outside partners, polyfidelity creates its own complexities around group dynamics, decision-making, and maintaining multiple relationships simultaneously.

How do you handle breakups in polyfidelity? When someone leaves a polyfidelitous group, it affects all relationships within the group. Having clear agreements about how to handle these situations is crucial for everyone's wellbeing.

Polyfidelity vs. other relationship styles

Understanding how polyfidelity differs from other non-monogamous styles can help you determine if it's right for you:

Polyfidelity vs. Polyamory: Traditional polyamory often allows for ongoing openness to new relationships, while polyfidelity involves a closed group. Polyamory may involve relationship hierarchies, while polyfidelity typically treats all group members as equals.

Polyfidelity vs. Swinging: Swinging focuses primarily on sexual experiences with others while maintaining a primary romantic relationship. Polyfidelity involves full romantic and sexual relationships within the exclusive group.

Polyfidelity vs. Open relationships: Open relationships typically allow partners to have relationships or encounters outside their primary relationship. Polyfidelity is closed to outside relationships once the group is established.

Interested in learning more about polyamory?

Polyfidelity offers a unique approach to non-monogamy that combines the security of exclusivity with the richness of multiple loving relationships. It requires exceptional communication, commitment, and emotional maturity from all involved.

As with any relationship style, success depends on honest communication, mutual respect, and ongoing consent from all participants. Take time to carefully consider whether the closed, committed nature of polyfidelity aligns with your relationship goals and needs.

If you're interested in exploring whether polyamory may fit you, consider taking my polyamory relationship quiz, check out my books or return to explore the FAQ.

Wondering about the difference between polyfidelity and other relationship styles? Learn more about open relationships vs polyamory to understand which might work for you.

New to polyamory and feeling overwhelmed by information overload? Want realistic exercises and practices you can put into place immediately? Check out my Fast Track Your Polyamory course.