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Lola Phoenix

9 strategies for counteracting toxic parenting in non-monogamy

In a previous article, I talked about nine different ways that toxic parenting can impact the communication you have in non-monogamy. For Valentine’s Day, I wanted to spend this article talking about specific strategies to combat these problems both from my own personal experience and the experiences I’ve

Can you turn infidelity into polyamory?

My spouse and I have been together for 18 years this year. Last August, I was pushed into a sceneries I didn’t think I’d ever find myself in. He had met a woman and wanted to either open our marriage, [o]r have a triad. (We had had

See-sawing feelings in polyamory

About three months ago, I started seeing a girl (let’s call her Jenny) who I knew through a mutual friend (I’m a cis straight man, she’s a cis bi girl, neither of us have any prior experience with non-monogamous dating) with the understanding that we would stay

Telling a crush that you’re polyamorous

How do I bring up that I’m polyamorous to someone I met outside of a polyamorous space who may or may not have ever thought about polyamory before? It’s a guy who I’m crushing on, who I think is crushing on me, too, but I haven’t

Non-monogamy without the turmoil

I am in an eight year relationship that has been mostly monogamous. The past few years we started dabbling in opening up but initially with the idea that we would never “go all the way”. We started reading the books and meeting lots of people in various non-monogamous relationships and

Feeling valued in non-monogamy

How do I feel special when things I share with my partner are also shared with her other partner? The reason I titled this blog ‘valued’ is because, in essence, I think that when we talk about the special things we do with romantic partners, we’re meaning that the

Stagnating vs. relationship escalator

I’m currently married to a wonderful man and in a relationship with a lovely boyfriend for the last eighteen months. This is my first foray into a serious relationship outside of my primary relationship, although I’ve been open with my husband since the start. I’m struggling a

9 ways toxic parenting impacted your non-monogamy

When reading the opening preface of a self-help book makes you cry, that’s when you buy the book. And that happened to me twice when I read the forward of both Stop Walking on Eggshells and Toxic Parents. Reading these and several other books were the beginnings of me

Thirteen things I wish I’d learned before choosing non-monogamy

Updated July 2025 When you first learn about polyamory or non-monogamy, what most people call ‘open relationships’, you’ll likely be directed to several publications: The Ethical Slut, Opening Up, and the website More Than Two. And these were things I read when I started my journey into non-monogamy. But

Non-monogamy and fear

When happening upon polyamory, most people are referred to the same sort of material. The book “Opening Up” is often recommended, “The Ethical Slut” and “Sex at Dawn” are becoming some of the popular things to point people toward. Most people are told that there’s no one right way