If you’ve crossed a boundary

This is a follow up column from ‘When someone’s rules become your own’. Thank you so much for your detailed and thoughtful response — it couldn’t have come at a better time. I say this because the situation has changed somewhat since I wrote to you, though unfortunately it’

When you don’t want to open your relationship

My partner of 8 years has suddenly decided that she’s poly[am] and (apparently) was the entire time. I’m of the opinion that she’s done irreparable damage to our relationship by even bringing this idea up. The idea of her being with anyone else is completely unappealing

Balancing imbalances in polyamory

I am married and have been in a long term relationship with my nesting partner for a little less than a year (we dated for about 4 years off and on prior to that). We live together and are building a future together with house, kids, and all that. Recently,

When someone else’s rules become yours

I’m fairly new to poly[am], and as such I am making plenty of mistakes. Usually I can see where I (or, in some cases, the other person) has gone wrong, but this one is doing my head in. I have a wonderful husband and two lovers in my

Don't ask, don't tell in polyamory

I am a woman in a stable open relationship with a man (let’s call him Steve). I have never felt any particular draw to polyamory for myself, but our relationship has been open since the beginning — he is bisexual and when we met already had a FWB-type arrangement going

Managing your partner’s emotions

A few months ago my partner and I decided to open our monogamous relationship. It’s something that we had talked about since we met and something that both of us had tried or were interested in long before meeting. We both read your column and have done a lot

Setting boundaries with metamours

I am in a stable, long-term non-monogamous relationship with a man I deeply love. We do not cohabit (I have a deep need for my own space) but we live close to each other and we are in and out of each other’s houses with no forewarning or announcements

When your partner pulls a veto

My longterm boyfriend and I decided to start doing polyamory together a few months ago. We each started dating someone around the same time (his date was someone new to his life and mine was a poly[am] friend we’ve known for less than a year). My boyfriend wasn’

Sex positivity, demisexuality and polyamory

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years, known him for 3 and agreed to cohabitation a few months ago. I’m the generally monogamous leaning demisexual partner (Specifically, I have a very high sex drive once I’m emotionally attached to a partner but before that happens, I’

When a friend dates your partner

I’ve been in a non-monogamous relationship for a couple years. Unfortunately, I haven’t really had the courage to date anyone. My partner has but I don’t crush very easily. When I do bring up people I’m interested in it always requires a lot of processing my